By Howie Nave

When you’re watching a movie has that feel to it that it wants to be the next franchise and comes across as trying too hard, you kind of get the feeling already that it’s not going to be a great flick (or even a good one).

In fact, watching the trailers before the main event I noticed almost every trailer showed a movie that was either part of a franchise based on a comic book hero, a sequel, prequel or a re-boot. C’mon Hollywood, can you get any lazier?

So it makes perfect sense that Tom Cruise’s production company (that already has two franchises in the way of the “Mission: Impossible” and “Jack Reacher” series) would try to launch another with the very tried and franchise proven, “The Mummy.” The concept is interesting enough having a female mummy (Boris Karloff is probably rolling in his grave) played by Algerian actress Sofia Boutella (“Kingsman: The Secret Service” “Start Trek Beyond”).

Howie Nave: ‘The Mummy’ is worthy of 2 out of 5 bagels.

If you don’t follow the beginning voiceover on her background, you’ll become easily confused. And rest assured, it’s pretty lengthy. Boutella plays a scorned Egyptian princess named Ahmanet who kills her father because she had plans being ruler of all mortals until she had a brother thwarting her dreams.

Never piss off an Egyptian princess who was going to be the first female Pharaoh in the family and then in typical male dominance fashion turns her into a second-class citizen. Things get worse for Ahmanet who is punished for killing off family members and gets buried alive wrapped in full blown mummy attire for several centuries in a far-away land called Mesopotamia (now known as Iraq). The movie should’ve ended there.

Cruise makes a grand entrance in the role of Nick Morton, an Indiana Jones light who hustles in antiquities which seems confusing because you wonder is he working for himself or is someone paying him to unearth rare artifacts? I kind of felt sorry for director Alex Kurtzman who had to direct a script that was written by several writers who each had their own storyline at times and Kurtzman had to somehow make it all sound like one cohesive story.   

Even the supporting cast lacks in the chemistry department. I guess Nick’s female archaeologist love interest Jenny Halsey has some history with him (I thought it was just a one-night stand) so again not fully defined. And Nick’s best friend and “No, we’re not going to go in there are we?” ride-along sidekick Chris Vail (Jake Johnson) reminded me of Griffin Dunne’s character in director Jon Landis’ 1981 classic “An American Werewolf in London” who, as a dead guy gives advice to his living buddy on what course he should take.

I perked up some when Russell Crowe popped up playing Dr. Henry Jekyll who heads a secret organization that tries to corral and contain evil. Bu like his name suggests has an alter ego as a Mr. Hyde who himself is evil. It’s kind of hacky and you can almost guess what the next scenes are going to be. Crowe’s character has some connection with Nick’s archaeologist love squeeze, Jenny, but by then I lost interest.  

But wait, what about the special effects? Yes, there are plenty of CGI effects designed more as segues between the written scenes to keep the moviegoer in their seats but by then it was too late. Some of the effects are impressive sure and one of the reasons I even gave this movie any bagels at all.

Like its title, “The Mummy” should’ve remained entombed forever from public viewing. 

Howie Nave is host/emcee/manager of The Improv at Harveys. You can hear him Monday-Friday 6 to 10am on KRLT FM-93.9. He has been reviewing movies for years. They may be heard on four other stations each week where he does “A Jew Doing a Movie Review,” and he occasionally writes reviews for Lake Tahoe News.