Opinion: Being gay should not matter in professional sports
By Phil Taylor, Sports Illustrated
The most difficult conversation of Patrick Burke’s life did not come on the day his younger brother, Brendan, revealed he was gay. That was a relatively easy talk, at least for Patrick, now a scout for the Flyers. It was just after Christmas in 2007, and he was 24, five years older than Brendan. They were bringing in Patrick’s luggage from the car after a scouting trip when Brendan told him, and for Patrick it didn’t change a thing. Why would it? They were brothers. Just to make sure it wasn’t one of Brendan’s jokes, Patrick made him swear on the Stanley Cup that he was serious, the way the brothers often did, because hockey runs in the Burkes’ blood. Brendan, then the student manager of the Miami (Ohio) men’s hockey team, swore accordingly. “I love you,” Patrick told his brother. Then he told him to grab a suitcase.
No, the hardest conversation of Patrick’s life came a few days later, after he’d had time to think about the years that his brother had felt the need to keep his sexuality secret. He thought about the stereotypes he had joked about in front of Brendan and how he had casually used the word gay as an insult. They weren’t hateful comments, just unthinking ones, but Patrick could hear them now the way Brendan must have heard them then. He would later learn why Brendan had quit his high school hockey team before his senior season: As a closeted gay player, he was uncomfortable with just that type of locker room banter.
“I had to sit down with my little brother, my best friend, and apologize,” says Patrick. “I said, ‘I’m sorry if I made your life harder. I’m sorry if I ever made you think that because you’re gay, I would love you any less.'” It was Brendan’s turn to reassure him. Whatever Patrick had said in the past hadn’t changed the way Brendan felt about him. They were brothers. “He said, ‘I knew you loved me,'” Patrick remembers. “But still I couldn’t believe some of the things I had said.”
You may know what came next, that after Brendan came out publicly in November 2009 and after his father, Maples Leafs president and general manager Brian Burke, not only accepted him but also accompanied him to Toronto’s Gay Pride parade, fate bodychecked the Burke family into the boards. On Feb. 5, 2010, the SUV that Brendan was driving slid out of control on a snowy Indiana highway and into the path of an oncoming pickup truck, killing Brendan, 21, and Mark Reedy, 18. It was a tragedy deepened by its cruel timing—Brendan’s life was over just as he was beginning to live it openly. The Burkes have dedicated themselves to gay activism in his memory ever since, and their latest project is the You Can Play initiative cofounded by Patrick.
Being gay shouldn’t be an issue in ANY part of our society! I realize we as a nation are not their yet, but hopefully soon we will as a collective conscious rise to a fully liberated modern society so we can deal with the REAL problems that will face us in the future!
Absolutely agree, Bigs. What one chooses to do in the bedroom should not be brought onto the playing field.
Keep it private.
I am sure people will be happy to keep it private, just as soon as the bigotry disappears. Until then, just saying you are gay is hardly offensive.
What one does in the bedroom should be kept privately in the closet, never brought openly out on the playing field in public where good xtians would feel threatened…. Santorum/Bachman’12
This is a very powerful and touching story. The whole point of it is that being an open (out) gay person is crucial. People don’t realize that when they say “keep it private” or “what you do in your bedroom….” is offensive. That’s just the kind of thinking that kept Brendan feeling shame and fear; that caused him to quit his team because of the pain of hearing the anti-gay remarks around him; that caused him to hide who he is even from his own family. Heterosexual people have lives outside of the bedroom, as do gay and lesbian people. Those lives involve significant others, children, friends, family, activities, affiliations, values, passions. I am an out lesbian. If I were to hide who I am or “keep it in the bedroom” I would be presenting only a small part of myself in the world I live in. I don’t talk about what I do in the bedroom any more than any of my heterosexual friends do; to imply that gay and lesbian people do so (or that our identity is limited to what we do in the bedroom) is a gross insult. All beings have value and should be free to live full and open lives. Nobody should live in shame. It is only when we really know each other that acceptance is achieved; that we realize we have much more in common than we do different. Hiding who you are does not benefit you or anybody around you. It only breeds self-hatred and bigotry (due to ignorance).
jeastburn,
What an elegant reply. Thank you.
Strange things have happened since the advent of the Log Cabin Republicans. I believe it was 1977 and caused by Congressman Briggs of Orange County Ca.
Throw in the Dick Armey’s famous Barney ***. Forget Wacko Billo’s Gay and Straight service men should not shower together. Don’t ask don’t tell. Forget Foley and Craig, and other Republican’s said to be in the closet.
Now guess who is the Repubtriotic (Armey”s) new target ? give up? OK women and the Pill. The Armey leaders are Issa the Arab, the Dick Santorum the Newt and the Willard.
Sex is only for procreation, yeah right!! Time to recall Viagara, and Cials, especially after 4 hours.
The Merry-goes-round and round.
More projecting from the Tahoe left.
I actually belong to the Log Cabin Republicans of New York. Even though I’m not a Republican, don’t live in New York, and am not gay. I like the log cabin folks. They are very smart and very welcoming. Unlike some.
The only thing that should keep you out of sports is being stupid and there is a lot of that going around.